Telling a story, part two: Feedback on other students' stories.

I've checked a few stories on other student's websites. Here are the reflections: 

http://rjdown-dfp-log.blogspot.com/2012/03/exercise-telling-story-my-own-story.html

The story is about a man who lives in a poor neighbourhood and is not particularly happy with his life. At home he dreams and reads about mountaineering. He buys a lottery ticket and wins the lottery. Then he can afford to climb mountains.

Essential information: 

- The first image conveys the bleak situation the man lives in, or walks through. He lives in a run down neighbourhood, with unemployment and vandalism.
 - The second image shows the man’s interest in mountaineering  especially the contrast between the environment he lives in and the one he wishes for.
 - 
Image 3 shows the interior of a shop it’s small.
 - 
Image 4: The gesture of the man together with the lotto results on the tv screen show that he has won the lottery.
 - 
Image 5: The man is climbing a mountain with a wide grim on his face.

Essential information that's been left out or included unnecessarily:

 - The first two images don’t show the man’s personal poverty
 
- The first image gives too much information about the poverty of the area he’s walking through, there’s not really a connection between the man’s interior and the street he walks through.

 

http://digitalfilmproductionbysuzy.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/exercise-telling-a-story/

The story is about a Jack and the Bean stalk in which Jack trades a cow for a bean. His mother throws it out of the window. Then a gian bean stalk grows out of it. Jack climbs up and steals the magic harp. He gets chased by the giant, but Jack is able to cut down the stalk, so that the giant is killed. Jack and his mom live happily ever after.

Image 1: Somebody with a cow receives a bean from a mysterious person
 
Image 2: The woman is angry with the man and throws the bean out of the window.
 
Image 3. The man climbs up a gigantic stalk, while the woman is angry at the bottom of the stalk.
 
Image 4. Somebody is running away with a shiny object while almost being tramped by a ginormous foot.
 
Image 5. A giant has fallen out of the stalk and is dead.

Essential information that’s been left out:

- The fact that Jack is broke
 - 
The goose who lays the golden egg is not present in the story,
 - 
It’s not clear that Jack has stolen the things from the giant.
 - 
The images don’t convey the fact that jack and his mom live happily ever after and become rich.